How Not to Write: AFTER (Part One)

Tessa McProtagonist and Dime-Store Christian Grey sit on a dock looking bored.

I’m going to get in trouble for this one, but I got a request, so I’m not about to turn down a challenge.

To be clear, I’m only looking at what happened with the movie, not the book or the fanfic.  I won’t ever pull apart a fanfic publically, and I would do a book, but 1) I wouldn’t be reading After of my own volition, so I’m not the audience for that book, and 2) A big issue with a book adaptation is getting a broad enough audience to do okay in the box office, so you also need nerds who haven’t read the books to go see it. However, since I’m interested in writing, I’ll mention a bit about the way structure would play out with regard to how readers may respond to these techniques.

In brief, After is about a girl named Tessa who goes off to college and (spoilers) meets a British guy (Hardin) who makes a bet that he can get her to fall in love with him. In the book version, the bet is between Hardin and his friend Zed over who can bang her first, and in the fanfiction Real Person Fiction, the bet is between Harry and Zane from some boy band. Maybe you’ve heard of them.

So right off the bat, the movie has eliminated a major plot tension in which Tessa is being pursued by two different guys. That in itself is fine, since apparently there will be a second love interest in the sequel. But Zed has no personality in the movie anyway (much like most of the characters in the movie). But as a result of nixing that plot is a very bland “pursuing” of Tessa, punctuated by red flags and a few flavorless hints that they’re doing sexy things.

The problem with adapting movies out of fanfiction turned books is simply this: You can’t swing a lot of fanfiction staples on the big screen. You can’t get the heat to the same level of the book without sentencing yourself to an NC-17. You can’t have your “bad boy” be as dangerous as he is on the page because the producers are looking for a broader audience. You can’t hook new viewers into the story with sloppy story structure and weak characterization (which I’ll explain in more detail below).

I’m not saying you can’t do a movie based off of books that were based off of fanfic. People do it all the time… However, these movies are largely just bad, in writing, tone, characterization, and tension. I can’t imagine that they’re really pleasing that many people. Maybe the hardcore fans, but if they gutted one of my favorite slash fics to make it palatable to a larger audience, I’d be disappointed! Movie producers and screenwriters need to work harder to actually adapt the material and realize the risks of trying to grab that broader audience while pleasing core fans.

TL;DR—How Not to Write

In this part, I’ll issues of cover structure, pacing, and narrative tension. In the second part, I’ll deal with more specific problems of character development and thematic resonance. On with the tips:

• Don’t use fanfic structure in lieu of movie/book structure.

Fanfiction is a particular genre unto itself, which is something that visual mediums just do not seem to understand. It works because your audience knows these characters already. Even in RPF, even in AU fanfic, fandom has an assumption of who these characters are. Story structure can be tight, loose, or non-existent. The fans are here for the interstitial moments, those in betweens, the extended character connection.

None of which you can actually have in an independent movie (and usually not book, but it depends) without first establishing characters and creating empathy for characters. If, in a book, you have a blank slate of a character (say, Bella Swan), at every point, the reader is still privy to the character’s thoughts, ad this affords them enough intimacy with that character to buy into their story. In the book version of After, the audience does know Tessa’s thoughts. They are aware of her thirst! In the movie, we get a single line of voice over at the beginning (ripping off Twilight, honestly), and the rest is blank stares. It’s completely bewildering that from the events on the screen Tessa would go anywhere willingly with Hardin. That means that the writing and styling of every scene absolutely must create these characters from scratch (via dialogue, action, and dress) and build the sense of tension and cause and effect if the movie is to work as a narrative.

After as a movie is extremely tedious because there is very little happening apart from Tessa and Hardin just wandering around and being lovebirds. Combined with removing the Zane/Zed factor, all these passive scenes result in just not enough happening until 30 minutes until the end.

You have to tailor your structure to the medium you’re working with and be deliberate about the choices you’re making. If After is going to pare down the main plot of the book and fanfic, and cut the narration from Tessa, they have to be prepared to shore up the movie with more action.

• Don’t rely too heavily on passive action.

Piggybacking on the previous tip, After has a problem with too little of everything. The movie relies almost entirely passive action (scenes that DON’T increase tension or forward conflict or risk) and not enough dramatic action (scenes that deliver tension, conflict, uncertainty, etc.)

Example: Habitual actions from characters tend to be passive. Tessa and Hardin swim. They cuddle. They take a bath. They walk somewhere. They talk about feelings. They dance. These are passive action scenes.

Hardin arguing with Tessa in class or pushing boundaries, the fight with Tessa’s mom, and the bet being revealed. These are dramatic action scenes.

Problematically, taking everything out to make it palatable means there’s nothing left. The screenwriters need to infuse more dramatic action into this movie. I would suggest: 1) delaying payoff in Tessa’s will-they-won’t-they, and having Hardin have to work harder to get with her, 2) introducing Tessa’s internship earlier to give her something to work for, and 3) having her mother involved in her life more regularly (phone calls or doing laundry at home). The latter would keep more tension going because Tessa would always actively be hiding something from her mom, making those conversation rife with tension because there’s a risk if her mother finds out.

That’s it for now. Check back in later for the second part of How Not to Write: After for discussion of characterization and theme.